Almost the best

Bedtime with my lil bug is the best part of the day. Books have been read, lights are out and she asks me to snuggle with her for "let me count first,one, two, three...eleven. Oh that is too much, so ten minutes". Now snuggle time is not necessarily filled with sweet, endearing cuddles. It usually starts out with a litany of words. This is the time she rewinds her mind, spills her little heart out and figures out her next day. It is a great time to find out how she feels about things and what is bothering her. I often have to cut her off with a stern "okay we only have 5 minutes left". This is usually followed by kisses (now don't kiss me mom, I'm going to kiss you on the forehead)and huggies. Then all of a sudden she stops, she often puts her wee face directly into mine, flings her arm around my neck or uses my arm as a snuggle toy and then she starts snoring. It really is hilarious and wonderful.

The other night her litany words worked there way into telling me the following:

Lil bug: Momma you are almost the best
Me: I'm almost the best
Lil bug: Not quite momma but almost, I still love you though
Me: I love you too and you are the best to me
Lil bug: I'm the best, bester than my daddy
Me: Daddy is my best husband
Lil bug: Am I the best more than my brother?
Me: Your brother is my best son and you are my best daughter
Lil bug: Oh well you are almost the best

Now I did not worry about being almost the best as I knew I had been downgraded for the injustice I imposed earlier in the day. I said no to getting her more paints after I just finished letting her paint and told her I needed some time to sit and finish my tea. Well that no must have been devastating considering the meltdown she had and the ultimatum she had imposed "I won't stop crying until you get me more paint". I will give her credit she managed to pour out the tears for 30 minutes. It was a bad moment but she did manage to apologize later in the day saying I'm sorry I didn't stop crying but I was angry with you.

Aah the joys of being almost the best.

It ain't so bad...really

This blog does not receive enough attention. It is a good indicator about how I treat myself. I do not give myself enough time and care. For instance, this winter has been a crappy one health wise for me. I have had either a head cold or flu at least once a month starting in October. Two colds turned into strep throat with the second case requiring a stronger antibiotic one week after I finished the first round of antibiotics. This week to my joy and denial my monthly head cold became walking pneumonia. I feel okay other than achy shoulders, a wicked cough and lungs that feel like they are being squeezed in a very gentle but annoying way.

Today I'm grumpy and feeling sorry for myself. My body is telling me to slow down and smell the flowers. My head keeps spinning. I feel driven to run the treadmill of life because I want some form of control, some benefits. Well those benefits result in colds and a stupid self imposed schedule:
5:45am haul butt out of bed
7:00am board bus for the best half hour of my day...I read or knit and watch the sun rise or fill the sky
7:35am start work
4:00pm run to catch 4:06 bus (only to find bus full of university students who feel that their 10 minute ride must mean they have the limited number of seats). Note some days J is working at the university too...we can drive home together...I can breath
4:45pm I am home (if J not at university, he has picked up the kids cuz as usual I'm running late)
5:45pm food enters belly
6:00pm dishes (no dishwasher in our house...egad I live in the dark ages)
6:30pm play time with the kids.
8:00pm kids in bed but guilty mom still snuggles with her lil bug
8:30pm lunches and one household chore to keep up with things (Monday dust living room, Tuesday scrub kitchen floor and front hall, Wednesday laundry, Thursday garbage and dust bedroom, Friday no chores)
9:45pm flicking channels (nothing on as TV programs kind of suck lately and we don't have cable)
10:30pm bed and book
11:00pm or later sleep
hit repeat times 5 until Saturday where life is slightly more leisurely once you clean the bathrooms, do the laundry, go for groceries and vacuum.

Yet there is reason for optimism. Spring is here. My bike is ready to start being my "bus" to and from work (just have to get rid of my pneumonia first). The kids, J and I are loving the outdoors. Backyard is racked and holds promise (though in reality we need to overhaul it and plant some grass...but there is something rustic and natural about packed dirt and weeds). My monkey boy is turning 7 very soon, we are going to Fredericton NB pretty soon, and our annual trip to Alberta is booked.

I just need tell myself to step off the treadmill, stop making to do lists at 5am in the morning and find some flowers to smell (crocus' look out!).